


Walls and Flaming Arrows

by MilkMoustachesAreCool



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 02:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5112323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilkMoustachesAreCool/pseuds/MilkMoustachesAreCool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can't think of anything worse<br/>Than finding it easy to make you believe me"</p><p>-Carrie Hope Fletcher, 'Tell Me'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walls and Flaming Arrows

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if the metaphors are a bit forced.
> 
> I don't know if the story is coherent.
> 
> I don't know if it's rushed.
> 
> I do know it's three in the morning and I was feeling shit and I needed to write and I just splurged and this came out. Hope someone can appreciate it.

"Slut."

The word ran around and around in Hero's head. Who in their right mind could ever call her a slut? How could someone be so wrong about her? How could someone she thought knew her so well be so wrong? It didn't make sense.

Hero knew that she wasn't perfect - far from it - but she also knew who she was. She was kind and she was honest and she was loyal to the people she loved. She knew that she wasn't a slut. Claudio was the first boy she had ever kissed, ever dated, ever opened up to, ever trusted.

She used to know she wasn't a slut.

She knew that she hadn't done what Claudio thought she had, but why would he think she had done it in the first place? Somehow he believed it possible of her. No one else would ever have believed it of her, but Claudio was the first boy she had ever kissed, ever dated, ever opened up to, ever trusted. He must have seen something no one else could see.

She must have given him a reason to believe she was a slut. Did she flirt with other people without realising? Was she too friendly? Should she have stopped talking to other boys at all when she got a boyfriend? She had never had one before, so she didn't know exactly what was expected of a girlfriend. Maybe she had been leading other people on without realising.

Maybe Claudio was right. Maybe she was a slut. If anyone would know, after all, he would. And he must have had a reason for saying it.

***

It wasn't until Hero worked up the courage to go back to school that she finally realised just how wrong she was. She spent days lying in bed, thinking that Claudio must have been right. She must be a slut, if he thought she was. Even when he apologised and took it back, even when he and everyone else reassured her over and over again that it was Claudio's problem, not hers, she knew they must be wrong. There had to be a reason Claudio called her a slut. It had to be true.

But somehow going back to school forced Hero to see the truth. Some people were kind. Others weren't. Some fell in between.

"I'm so sorry for everything that happened, Hero. I can't believe anyone would believe something like that of you, it's just ridiculous," said some people.

"There she is, can't believe she turned out to be such a slut," whispered others behind her back.

"No matter what you did Hero, you didn't deserve that," said others still.

Finally Hero realised that what other people - any other people - thought of her made no difference. She was who she thought she was, and no one else. She wasn't defined by what others thought of her, but what she thought of herself.

That was when Hero realised that she wasn't a slut, regardless of what anyone - even Claudio - said.

It also gave her the space to finally, truly forgive Claudio. He was who he was, and he wasn't perfect. He had a flaw, and someone exploited it. But everyone has flaws and she couldn't hate him for his. True, he hadn't handled it well, but he had handled it as well as his character would allow him. He would learn from this experience and not make the same mistake in the future. He would have plenty of other mistakes in the future, as would she, but neither of them would make that mistake again.

The question that remained however, was who Hero would decide to be. She no longer felt like the same person she used to be. She was still kind and honest and loyal to the people she loved, but she no longer gave that love away freely. She was no longer the naive young girl she once was. She was different now.

Not everyone could see the changes in Hero - she acted much the same. But she could see the difference. She didn't welcome new people into her life easily. She didn't open up to people easily. She didn't trust people easily. But most of all she refused to allow herself to be defined by one characteristic - she would never think of herself as "the sweet one" or "the nice one". She had a range of qualities that contrasted with each other. She was a little bit of everything. She acted sweet but she had a tough edge.

Before, she needed people to prop her up because she was too two-dimensional by herself. Now she had developed her personality to the point that she didn't need anyone else. She had built her walls, not just to protect herself but to hold herself up. She was perfectly happy in herself now.

***

With the new Hero, however, came new struggles of course. Before, Hero had let people in too easily. Now she made it too hard on them.

She saw it as strength. She wouldn't date someone, or kiss someone, or open up to someone, or trust someone, just because they seemed nice. Looks can be deceiving. She knew that Claudio couldn't be blamed for his faults, but she also knew that it was his faults that caused her so much heartache she began to believe that she was a slut. She wouldn't let that happen again. She couldn't give someone the power to hurt her that much again. Or at least, not unless they truly deserved it.

But who could live up to Hero's standards? She had built her walls so high that no one but the most dedicated of suitors could ever attempt to climb it. Add to that the flaming arrows that Hero shot from the top of the wall and no one stood a chance.

***

When it came down to it and someone managed to make his way through the wall, however, Hero had no idea how to react.

It started with John sitting beside her in English. Old Hero might have found it uncomfortable, but new Hero reveled in the irony. She kept the joke going by sitting next to John in biology. 

Before long they sat together in every class. The rest of the school found it confusing - shouldn't they hate each other? But Hero loved the unpredictability of it. They sat for a month in blatant silence before John ventured a word.

"I hear Claudio has a girlfriend," he said casually without looking up.

"Yeah he does," confirmed Hero, biting a smile. She knew it was odd, but she loved this weird pseudo-friendship with John. She loved how unlikely it was, how no one else could possibly understand the mutual indifference they shared.

"Does it bother you?" asked John.

Hero shrugged. "Not really. I don't spend much time worrying about what Claudio does these days. I have better ways to occupy myself."

John looked up at that, trying to gauge her expression. There was no bitterness in Hero's tone or face, she truly was indifferent to Claudio. John looked back down.

"Well it bothers me," said John. "She's an idiot. That guy doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend."

"Why not?" asked Hero, still very casual and indifferent. "All he did was react to what you told him. At the time he didn't have the capacity to react differently. In the future, he will."

"So it's me you're angry at?" asked John, not in accusation, just curiosity.

"I'm not angry at anyone," shrugged Hero. "I don't blame you either. You were just reacting to your own experiences the only way you knew how at the time. You can't blame anyone for who they are, and for acting on who they are. You can't expect people to magically be perfect, everyone has flaws and sometimes those flaws can affect you. You just have to accept that."

"Isn't that a bit defeatist?" asked John.

"On the contrary," smiled Hero. "It's incredibly freeing."

They continued to share casual discourse in the future. The style of it suited Hero just fine - they were able to speak honestly and openly without feeling any requirement to like each other or trust each other.

Nonetheless, more and more, each of them began to enjoy each other's company. They hated when one of them was out of school. They talked on the phone. They shared an odd kind of bond that no one else could understand.

***

What Hero didn't realise was that she had allowed John to get a foothold on her wall. It didn't matter at first because John wouldn't want to climb the wall, right?

But before long he was halfway up and Hero didn't know how he had gotten there. It terrified her.

Hero stopped sitting beside John in class. She didn't take his phone calls. She gave blunt, monosyllabic answers when he tried to speak to her.

These flaming arrows had always worked for her in the past, but she hadn't accounted for John. Somehow she had ended up caring about him. What was worse, he had ended up caring about her, enough to fight his way past the flaming arrows to the top of the wall.

John refused to accept Hero's new attitude. He may not have fully understood it, but he wasn't standing for it.

One Tuesday after school, he found himself barging upstairs in the Duke house to Hero's room.

"I'm sorry," he said when he threw the door open.

Hero looked up from her notebook where she was scribbling furiously. She was so shocked to see John standing there that she couldn't even react.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I was a dick, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. But please don't shut me out now."

No guy had ever ignored all of Hero's warning signs before - usually when she started distancing herself, they took the hint and went away. Why was John standing in her room apologising? This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He was supposed to take the hint, accept the distancing and move on, leaving her safe.

"What are you doing here John?" she asked sullenly. "I'm busy."

"Well I'm not leaving until you stop this Hero," he said determinedly.

"Well tough because I'm not talking to you," shrugged Hero, turning her attention back to her notebook.

"Yes you are. I said I'm sorry, now tell me it's not okay. Scream at me. Whatever it takes, just stop ignoring me."

"John, I'm not mad at you I'm just busy," said Hero.

"Bullshit."

"Will you just leave please?"

"No."

They stared at each other, not breaking eye contact for a prolonged moment, but it became too much for Hero. She looked away. "Fine, I don't want to be your friend anymore," said Hero shortly. "Not that we were ever really friends. But I don't want to hang out with you anymore. Happy?"

Hero didn't realise that a look of begging had crept into her eyes. It was subtle - most people wouldn't notice it. But John wasn't most people, and John was far too familiar with the temptation to distance yourself from people to protect yourself. That look was all he needed to know he was on the right track.

"No."

"John," pleaded Hero softly.

"I won't make it easy Hero," shrugged John, sitting down on Hero's bed. "I won't just go away. I want to be here. I'm going to fight for you until you stop trying to push me away."

"Why do you even care?" groaned Hero in frustration. "I just want to be by myself, to be safe. Can't you just give me that?"

"Take it from me, Hero," replied John. "Safe gets very lonely after a while."

"It's better than being hurt."

"No it isn't," John shook his head. "Numbness is far worse than hurt. With hurt, you get to feel amazing joy as well. But numbness blocks it all out."

"I can't handle the hurt again," said Hero in a small voice. "I'm not strong enough. And it will eventually come. It's the only sure thing in relationships."

"I know. I'm scared too. But we just have to hope that the feeling of making it through to the other side of the hurt in one piece makes it worth it."

"What if we can't?"

"What's life without a little risk?"

"I don't think I can risk it. Not again."

"Unfortunately," smiled John, "I'm not giving you a choice in the matter. I'm here and I'm not going away, so you're just going to have to let me in."

***

After a while, it became easier. It stopped feeling dangerous and started feeling daring. It happened slowly, but Hero managed to change again.

When she was young, she had expected the best of people, of life, of the world. Then she had learned to expect the worst. Now she knew that in reality, everything was somewhere in between - a mixture.

She and John had their troubles. They weren't perfect. But they were perfectly happy. And that was all either of them could ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I was just rereading this and yeah it is a bit rushed and weird but I think the point of this fic just isn't John and Hero - yes, I ship Donalduke but this fic is not about them getting together, it's about Hero's recovery. Someone else had to feature in it to help Hero and I chose John because a) he's the only one who might really understand and b) I ship them, but this fic is about Hero, and I hope it can be read in that way and not as a Donalduke fic because that's not really what it is.


End file.
